The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
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