You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
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