Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
Randomize
