I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
Randomize
