I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
Randomize
