Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
