porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
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