happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
Randomize
