I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
