you win again, gameday.
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
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