Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
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