So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Randomize
