Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
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It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
the room spins SO much faster in panama
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
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