He said he was just looking at my pictures and was thinking about how he wanted to cut my hair..then dye it black and put platnium blonde extensions throughout it and layer my hair
So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
Randomize
