just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
I will be naked everywhere
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
Randomize
