I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
Randomize
