I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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