he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
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