we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
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