i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
If no ones going to say it, then I will. Vanessa Hudgens boobs are weird looking
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
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