She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
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