Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
Randomize
