sooo how much is appropriate to spend on a vibrator? what if it is really legit looking?
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
