A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
Randomize
