Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
Is her dick bigger than yours?
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
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