Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
Randomize
