DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
Randomize
