I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize
