Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
Randomize
