I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
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