What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
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