you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
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