My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Randomize
