Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
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