I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
Michael Bay diarrhea
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
Two words: nipple clamps
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