You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
Randomize
