let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
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