ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
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