porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
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