if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
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