My balls are so social today.
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
This show inspires me to have sex in space
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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