You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
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