My room smells like vodka and shame
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
as a side note pls kill me
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
Randomize
