When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
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