We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
