I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
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i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
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