i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
Randomize
