Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
Randomize
