It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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