He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
I miss vodka workout Fridays
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
Randomize
