...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
Randomize
