He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
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