Whatcha textin bout Willis?
Barsexuality is the new black.
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
Randomize
