Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
Randomize
