peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
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