We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
There's even glitter on my cock...
Randomize
