How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
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