So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
Randomize