No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
Randomize
