She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
Randomize
