i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
Randomize
