dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
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