Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
It's no shave November. This is our time.
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Randomize
